I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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