just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
