I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
