'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
