Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
