He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
