Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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