The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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