You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Im part way to drunk.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
