Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
