Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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