I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
