Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
