Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
