Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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