Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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