Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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