either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
