im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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