I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
