I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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