he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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