I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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