its not stalking. its research.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
