Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
