I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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