Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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