new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
