Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
