Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
