So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
How's work?
Spinning.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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