Don't you send me to vm
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
