So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think i peed on brittanys purse
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
