I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
