the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
