It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
