god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
