What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
