hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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