now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
