Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
