Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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