Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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