i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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