We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
