just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
