i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
