When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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