i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
