we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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