If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
where does the pee come out of this thing
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
